Truth is...

Truth is working out is hard this week. 

I'm not sure why.  I've had drive to run twice and the desire to not do anything else the other days.  
I know it's good to work out. 
I know I'll feel better when I do. 

But goodness, the emotional drive to do it this week has been a struggle.  
I've reached out to a private workout facebook group for some accountability.  
I'm wondering where my internal drive has gotten off to.  
The good news is that the prospect of running has been inspiring.  It seems that is all I want to do.  
But since I hurt my achilles tendon several years ago I have not been in the habit of back to back running days. 

With a Ragnar in the fall, I know that in July I'll kick into training gear.  Having a goal race and a plan to get me there works really well for me.  I know that having something larger than myself to work for I will be jazzed to run and workout.  In fact, I can't wait to start that training plan.  But in the meantime, I'm frustrated with my lack of internal motivation.  

It's been a weird week with feeling all or nothing.
I think I need to take it one day at a time.  

Today: 
I'll set out my clothes to get a spin class in at the gym before work.  
I will go 'screen free' at 8:30 and read until an early bed time.  

Tomorrow: Early morning spin. 

I'll tell a friend or two that this is my plan for today and tomorrow.  

I can do this.  
I will do this.  

It is good for my heart, body and soul.  

In other news, my weight has been fluctuating just a bit.  Since my last weigh post at 152.4 on May 21, I've been down to 149.6 and back up this week to 151.2.  All in all, it's not that much.  And, I think my body is good at this weight.  I like seeing numbers under 150, but this past week I have not been logging food as faithfully as I have in the past.  When I don't log it, I tend to snack more and not think too much about it.  

I don't want this post to be only frustrations and struggles...but I share them because they are part of this journey for me.  It's not all great runs and healthy eating.  I struggle with this.  It's work for me.  Truth is...it always will be.  

Some days are better than others.  
Yesterday I ran a sweet 3 miles with negative splits and ended up having a milkshake for dinner.  (win. win?)
I had a really good stretch and roll both yesterday and Sunday when I ran this week.  
I'll take the ups and downs.  
It's a journey and you learn along the way.  

Thanks for listening.  

Until the next post.

Some thoughts on mercy for today.

Collywobbles

Taradiddle

Widdershins

Bumfuzzle 

The list of words above is the way my Bible study at the Pocono Retreat began.  (This study came from Nick Diliberto's Youth Group Lesson on Mercy) In groups of 2 or 3 they needed to come up with a definition for each word that the judges thought was the best.  They received bonus points if they actually defined the word, but the creativity was my favorite part.  

After a few questions about how we determine success and how we think God determine's success, we read Micah 6:8.  
"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."  

We talked about how we are called to act in the world around us...and then back in those small groups, they defined the word mercy.  One group said it was that game where you bend your partner's hands back until they say mercy...it caused the adults in the room to shudder.  But most of them came up with a working definition that had to do with acting kind or gentle or with compassion when in a position to do the opposite.  
Merriam-webster.com offers this as part of the definition of mercy - a : compassion or forbearance (see forbearance 1) shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power;

The key that we discussed in the definition was that mercy is shown when a person in power or with power or with privilege choses to show compassion when they have the opportunity to use his or her power to their own advantage.  

We watched the end of the Veggie Tales Movie, Jonah.  The scene when Jonah, played by Archibald Asparagus is flailing on the ground....ranting and raving about how upset he is that God has not rained down brimstone on the people of Nineveh.  But Jonah doesn't get it.  He never gets it.  Even though God extended mercy to Jonah, gave him a second chance, Jonah doesn't think the Ninevites deserve a second chance.  Jonah proclaims the word of the Lord, but has a hard time realizing how that word transforms, changes and impacts lives, his own included.  

Mercy is tough stuff.  
Thank God that God's mercy is endless.  
When we mess up (yes, there are consequences) but God gives us second, third and millionth chances.  God whose power is infinite, shows compassion and mercy.  

We are more like Jonah than we realize.  It's so hard for us to live out of God's grace and mercy modeling that for others.  As soon as we get a glimpse of that power or authority or control, we hesitate to give it up.  It's easier to use that power to maintain power or the control that we think we have rather than show mercy and compassion to others.  

This isn't a new problem...humankind has been in a constant struggle when it comes to power, who has it and how you act with it.  

Many of us have heard the story of the Good Samaritan from Luke 10:25-37.  The lead in to the familiar part of the parable is that a lawyer is testing Jesus about eternal life.  The lawyer knows the command to 'love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.’ 

But the lawyer wonders aloud, "Who is my neighbor?"  

The parable reveals that the one who is the neighbor is the one who shows mercy.  The one who, when in a situation to help or hinder the situation, has decided to help.  This individual choses to take a situation and make a difference in a positive way, in a way that will dramatically change the life of another.  

In this story, the neighbor, the one who showed mercy, was the one least likely.  This story reminds us that loving our neighbor means caring for those who are different than we are.  We are called to show mercy to God's children who have backgrounds, ethnicities, beliefs - religious and political, genders, sexual orientation and skin colors that may not be our own.  That, my friends, is not easy, but it is the call of the gospel, to live lives out of God's love, grace and mercy.  

When have you received mercy?  

How did that moment make you feel?  

When have you been in a position of power or control?  

Have you used that position to extend mercy?  How has that transformed you?  

God's mercy is infinite.  

We are called to live out humble lives of service and love, extending mercy and compassion when we could hurt or harm others.  

Will you have the opportunity to do that today?  Tomorrow?  

Good and gracious God, thank you for loving us.  Thank you for creating us in your image and for continually calling us to live lives that model your compassion and mercy.  We give you thanks for offering us forgiveness when we mess up or miss opportunities to serve and care for others.  Help us to see all humanity as our neighbor.  Help us to build relationships, model humility and show mercy.  In Jesus' name, amen.  

Have you recovered? Nope.

The number one question asked after returning home from the annual youth retreat at Hickory Run State Park is,

"Have you recovered?" 

I can happily reply, "Nope, and nor do I want to."  

Because here's the thing.  I spent the weekend with 40 amazing youth and 21 dedicated adults and it was awesome.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love that my call to serve at Trinity involves spending time with youth who are ready to learn and live out God's love and call in their lives.  

The weekend kicked off with great mixers, some study, some games and the holy experience of joining hands as everyone participated in a time of prayer.  As we gathered together that first night, the group was comfortable enough to share worries, joys or just a word of thanks as we prayed aloud that night.  It was wonderful and holy and a fantastic beginning to the weekend.  

As I feel asleep, I gave thanks to God for safe travels, milkshake and fresh baked pretzels.  I thanked God for clothespins, laughter, music and a game we invented in the Poconos called El-ball.  I thanked God for voices that prayed aloud and asked God to be present with us as the weekend continued.  

I woke before the alarm went off and had time to listen to the podcast Pray as you go as I been by day with the quiet beauty of God's creation, just before the voices of youth were heard in the distance.  

The day began with breakfast, and a crew who started a game of sick ball that pretty much went on all weekend.  The sessions the youth went through in the morning, helped them prepare a skit for skit night, play some team building games and learn a little more about God's mercy.  

We enjoyed a tasty lunch of nuggets, tots and freshly baked cookies before heading out to Boulder Field.  I'm deeply thankful for the number of adults who attended the retreat who were willing to help transport the crew to and from Boulder Field safely.  

We had some laughs on the boulders...

We took some selfies on the boulders and even captured a bride and groom!

(laughter to the point of tears, not pictured because I almost stopped breathing for a bit)

Then it was back to camp for some free time, a snack and some small groups where the guys and girls had some time for highs and lows and chit chat.  

After an incredible feast of lasagna, garlic bread and salad, we enjoyed Skit night.  The three groups did a fantastic job of sharing Biblical stories with a twist - David's dancing was told by Joy from Inside Out, Queen Esther had to save the Jewish people from dinosaurs, and we saw what compassion from the Good Samaritan looks like in our day and age. 

In addition to these skits, youth shared songs, skits, a poem, jokes and dance routines that they created on on their own.  I was blown away by the talent in the room and the courage to share these talents on a stage in front of a group of people that had only been together for 24 hours.  

We then ate s'mores like champs.  (We don't mess around on this retreat.)

After the campfire, we gathered for worship.  

We confessed our sins, we heard Jesus say, "Peace.  Be still." to the wind and the waves.  We heard that Jesus says, "Peace. Be still." to the storms and worries and stresses in our own lives.  

We shared in a time of prayer, greeted one other with hugs and smiles as we passed the peace, and we shared in the Lord's Supper.  

We ended worship by the light of the candles that we lit from one another as we sang the song Sanctuary.  

Lord prepare me,

to be a sanctuary, 

pure and holy,

tried and true.

With thanksgiving,

I'll be a living sanctuary for you.  

Often, this is a song sung at the beginning of worship or study time as an opportunity to focus our hearts and minds on God and the worship experience.  As we sang it at the end, I couldn't help but give thanks (again) to God for working inmates among and through us as we deepened our relationship with God and one another as another day was coming to a close.  

Here is one youth's depiction of the weekend:

As I headed off to bed, I did so brimming with gratitude, thanking God again, for moments of peace, moments of laughter (to the point of tears) and all the moments in between.  I was thankful for pancakes, nuggets, tots, lasagna and s'mores.  I was thankful for study, games, worship and skits.  I thanked God for God's infinite presence among us that day and all days.  I prayed that God would bring us all peace in the midst of life's storms.  

The storms rolled through during the night.  The rain sounded wonderful on the roof and the trees.  

Sunday morning began and we were packing, cleaning and posing for a group photo before breakfast.  

We enjoyed sticky buns, strata and a breakfast dance party (sorry no photos) that was the best ever!  

From Shout to Ballroom Blitz (a new Pocono breakfast tradition) Handclap and Bohemian Rhapsody, we rocked that dining hall.  We danced, we laughed, we ate and we danced some more and after that, we were ready for worship..no seriously....Bohemian Rhapsody was our prelude to walking out to the chapel for worship.  

Our closing worship included songs, prayers, another reenactment of the Good Samaritan, and interviews as we practiced sharing our experiences from the weekend.  

Worship wrapped up with a time of laying on of hands as the chaperones blessed the youth as they prepared to depart from the retreat.  

With safe travels home, and a quick unpacking of the truck, everyone headed home for showers, naps or both.  

Now, as a few days have passed, you may wonder, have I recovered?  

And the answer is a firm, nope!  

Have I caught up on sleep?  Yup.

Have I adjusted to not eating with 60 of my closest friends?  Yup.  

Have I gotten back into the swing of things at home? Yup.  

Have I recovered?  Nope.  

Recovering from the weekend means that I have returned to a normal state of health...which is far from true.  This weekend transformed my heart and my life.  It transformed how I respond to the needs of others in my community and in the congregation I am called to serve.  This weekend has transformed my relationship with God and the relationship I have with the youth and adults in this congregation.  I am far from recovered and that, my friends is a good thing.  

This was the 50th year of this amazing retreat.  I'm thankful for those who have made this event a success in the past and prayerful for the hearts, hands and volunteers that will continue to make this event a life-changing experience for the youth of our congregation and community.  

If you haven't realized yet, I love what I do.  I'm deeply thankful that I'm called to serve a congregation where I can show and share God's love with an amazing group of youth AND do it with the help of so many amazing volunteers!  Really, y'all, I couldn't do it without you and the youth! 

I thank God for you, for this opportunity and this amazing life we are called to live together.  

And so with their permission, I close this post with a poem written by Phoebe E. and Jillian U. 

They shared it as part of skit night and have allowed me to share it with you. Thank you Phoebe & Jillian.  

For God’s love led me here, 
And I’ll always know that He is near.  

He leads us to do good deeds,
From building tables and planting seeds.

The earth is the Lord’s for all is his,
He led me to YouthQuake where I met Nizz.

I love laying in God’s green pastures,
as I listen to the words of my amazing pastors.

when I walk through his holy rivers,
the strength of the Holy Spirit gives me shivers. 

The skies above that shine through,
proclaim the work of His hands to you.

The friendships here will always grow,
and that is one thing we all will know.

One day I really hope,
we’ll be lucky enough to meet the pope.  

God’s love is never ending,
His angels are always tending.

For God always loves you
no matter what sins we will do.

152.4

It's been a few weeks since my last weight post on April 30.  
Since then there have been downs and ups, which pretty much is a regular thing for me with this whole weight loss journey.  

April 30 - 149.6
May 7 - 149.4
May 14 - 148.8
Today 152.4

I feel like I'm on repeat.  Down, down, down...up!  

I can pinpoint a few splurges this past week...yesterday's dinner of hoagie dip and cake may not have been the best way to finish a day after homemade pizza for lunch, but it is what it is.  

I can say that the scale continues to be a motivator for me.  I'm not on it every day, but once a week helps me get a good jump start each Monday.  Either I've got something to maintain or I am motivated to make a difference in the coming week.  

So here I sit, hydrating instead of snacking on a Monday afternoon and wondering how the rest of the week will pan out.  This week's work schedule equates to lunches and dinners out on both Tuesday and Wednesday, which means they are out of my personal control.  I know I will be able to make smart choices, but it does make it a bit challenging.  Knowing back to back days of eating out are coming, the workouts will be more focused on a mid of cardio and strength training.  I will spend mornings at the gym, knowing that the rest of the day will be an adventure a good adventure.  

I think that's the other part of this for me, is that I need to continually remind myself that this is a fun adventure.  I know that my body feels better with some pounds gone, and my outward appearance is something that is changing and I feel good about that.  

So yeah, no deep insights today, well except for this one:
Sunday dinner of hoagie dip & cake = a rough (really rough) 5:30am Grit cardio class at the gym on Monday morning.  

Thanks for reading, friends and helping me with butter accountability.  
Here's to a new week and whatever it may bring.  

Until the next post...

May I have this dance?

May 13, 2018

Seventh Sunday of Easter

Acts 1:15-17, 21-26

Psalm 1

1 John 5:9-13

John 17:6-19

Please pray with me,

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of all of our hearts be acceptable and suitable in your sight, O God, our rock, our strength and our redeemer.  Amen. 

Psalm 1 is the appointed Psalm for the day, give it a listen. 

Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or take the path that sinners tread, or sit in the seat of scoffers;

but their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night.

They are like trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither. In all that they do, they prosper.

The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;

for the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

Welcome to the book of Psalms.  With Psalm one, we are invited into this book of the Bible, into words of poets as we learn about God’s great love for us and the life we are called to live in response to that love. 

And the book of Psalms begins with the word, Happy! 

That’s a great beginning, right? 

What does it mean to be happy? 

What is happiness? 

For the psalmist for today, and pretty much all 150 psalms, the primary subject is not the psalm writer, or human beings in general, but rather God. 

Happiness for the psalmist, then is not primarily about what we human beings feel, desire or accomplish…it’s not about doing what we want to do.  Happiness is about doing what God wants done.  (McCann)

Happiness is about doing what God wants done. 

Now that’s not to say that when we are doing God’s will we’re not happy….but the root of that happiness, the root of our own joy and happiness comes from something deeper, something greater, it’s a gift from God. 

God delights when we do God’s will, by loving the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and strength AND loving our neighbors as ourselves. 

And that leads us to a choice, the psalmist suggests, and the choice is this:  that we live our lives doing God’s will by loving the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and strength and loving our neighbors as ourselves or we don’t.   

Psalmist is saying that there is a choice….not a choice about whether God loves us or not, that isn’t a choice, God loves you no matter what! 

But the choice the psalmist says that we are faced with is which path will we take?   How do we or how will we respond to God’s love in our lives?  How do we respond to God’s deep, deep desire for us to live lives filled with love, care, compassion and service? 

Will we choose God’s way which promises life or will we choose to go our own way which promises death?    

We have the opportunity to make this decision every day…sometimes we don’t choose wisely, but other times, we make a decision that leads us along God’s path, and when we do, others notice. 

This picture popped up on social media recently.

The written post that appeared with it reads, “Spotted this specimen trying to dance the other week.  He stopped when he saw us laughing.” 

Yeah.  Just sit with that for a second.  We always get to make a choice to how we respond to others in our midst.  Do we lift them up or put them down? 

Then Cassandra joined in to respond.  She wrote: Anyone know this man or who posted this?  There is a huge group of ladies in LA who would like to do something special?  

This tweet was shared over 2,000 times. 

This was Cassandra’s next post:

Dancing Man,

We don’t know much about you,

But a photo on the internet suggested

that you wanted to dance and were made to feel like you shouldn’t be.

We want to see you dance freely and if you would have us,

We would love to dance with you.

We are prepared to throw quite the dance party just for you, if you’d have us. 

To be clear it’s 1,727 of us. 

And we are all women.

It this isn’t appealing, we’re okay with taking no for an answer,

But we’d like you to know – the offer stands. 

May we have this dance? 

Sincerely,

An occasionally overly enthusiastic group of young women in California. 

Right? 

Then some famous people joined in the conversation…

Pharrell Williams (known well for the song, Happy) and Moby – a musician, DJ, record producer and singer song writer)

And they say that no one should ever be ashamed of themselves and no one should be ashamed about dancing. 

And then, Dancing Man responded. 

And, needless to say, replied yes to the invitation. 

And they danced, and danced and danced….

  

This is what happens when God’s love is lived and shared.

This is what happens when we are able to see all of God’s children as beloved, beautiful beings created in God’s image. 

This is what happens when God’s children are truly free to be themselves and free to dance. 

This is what happens when we respond out of God’s love and grace and compassion for others.  

And it is noticed by others…and it makes a huge difference. 

God reaches out to each and every one of us in this Psalm and says, may I have this dance? 

God says, I love you and I want you to experience and know my love for you and for you to live that out in your everyday life. 

How will you respond to this amazing invitation? 

And all God’s people said, amen. 

149.6

Woot woot!

The last time I was below 150 was in 2015!
I know it's one weigh in...and we must factor in all of last week.

1) I focused more on hydration last week.  This week, with a similar goal, I will hydrate better in the  morning/early afternoon hours.  Too much water before bedtime = not a solid night's sleep.  (lesson learned or still learning)

2) I logged my food diligently every day.  (minus Saturday - more to come about that)
Keeping track of my intake slows down my evening snacking, or shifts it to a healthy snack as opposed to half a pint of ice cream or a pile of cheese and crackers.  I'll measure the evening snack to not overdo it.

3)  I cut sugar from my morning coffee.  Since I have 3+ cups each morning, the teaspoons of sugar added up quickly.  I'm drinking some higher quality coffee, so milk is all that I need.  

4) I shifted gears in my workouts.  While the Iditarod challenge was a blast, I fell into a groove of cardio, cardio and more cardio, specifically at the gym to log my minutes.  Since completing the challenge I've shifted a few workouts a week to road work either biking or riding or a combo of both. I've also started a GRIT (HIIT) class once a week.  It has left me sore each week, but in a good way.  It definitely kickstarts my metabolism and kicks up the heart rate in a way my road work does not do. I'm thankful for the virtual classes at the gym and a crew committed to meeting at 5:30 on Monday mornings.

5) I've started a weekly schedule for my workouts.  Even though I'm not in training for any specific race at the moment, having a schedule in place helps me a ton!   Without mapping out the week of exercise, I'm not so sure what I'm doing each day.  I've found that the structure, while there is flexibility in it, helps me stick to my weekly goals of an hour (or more) of exercise 6 days a week.

6) Also, a race on Saturday was a boost.  It was the Hard Cider Run at the Hauser Estate Winery, home of Jack's Hard Cider.  It was a 5K that I was invited to sign up for by a friend.  (Thanks, Ktea!)
It'll be fun, she said!  We have a team, Cider Sisters!  Okay, I said, I'm in.
Needless to say, I stepped up my game and signed up for the Hungry Apple Challenge.  I was in for the option to take home a second medal as well as eat a donut at each mile marker of the race.  What I did not realize was how "scenic" the course would be.  (In our house, when describing a race course you need to know that scenic = hilly, very hilly.) Anyway, it was like a cross country course, on the grass, around a field and through the growing vines.

I think the donut breaks at each mile were a good chance to rest and catch my breath and keep my carbs going in full force.

(My personal race photographer {aka. husband of the year, Billy} was at mile two and caught this gem after telling me how proud he was of me for not walking at all.)

I took selfies at each mile to prove to friends and parishioners that I actually at the donuts at each mile and that they were actually whole donuts, not just munchkins. I was having a blast!

I was surprised to see Billy as I came out of the first set of vines.  

He completely captured my joy in running this race.  

I did not cramp up with the extra carbs, and resting to eat a donut helped me catch my breath for any "scenic" parts of the course yet to come. I didn't worry about my time, I just kept running and eating. 

I will say that after 3 donuts, a nice cold, crisp cider hit the spot to wash them all down at the end.  This was also the first race that I finished and was not hungry, at all.  

Needless to say, the three donuts, extra beverages and a stop for a filling lunch at Troegs on our way home meant that my caloric intake was much greater than the hills I ran that day.  It didn't matter.  I enjoyed the day and the experience.  

The moral of this week's story is that I worked hard all week and truly enjoyed a splurge day at the end.  Knowing it was coming, I didn't splurge on other treats mid-week.  

This coming week with May the 4th and Cinco de Mayo, I'll have to run the distance of the Kessel Run before eating delicious homemade tacos.  Win.  Win.  

At this point, weight-wise, I'd like to maintain a weight of under 15olbs.  I know it will still take work, so I'll continue logging food and exercise as well as focus more on my food intake, like proteins, whole grains and tasty veggies.  

I'll keep you posted.  

Thanks for reading. 

Until the next post...

153.2

Back on the scale today. 

Today is the first day back in the saddle.  

I've logged all my food today.  
I've been hydrating like a champ.  
It's the second Monday in a row where I've met some gym buddies for a 5:30am GRIT cardio class.   
We met up last Monday and it was a killer way to start the week.  I was sore until Thursday.  Abs, glutes, quads, you name it.  We'll see if I'm sore for more or less days this week.  :)

I realized that I'm hopeful for a weight and shape I was in several years back.  The way to get there is simple, yet challenging.  
Simple in that I know when I was in that shape I was doing a weekly bootcamp class, weekly yoga, running, and some cross training.  I was eating well and logging my food daily.  

Challenging in that it takes work to stick to a steady workout routine, log my food regularly and eat foods that feed my body well.   

I know I can do it. 
I've done it before.  

It will take focus and determination, I can do this.  

Bring on the solid workouts, tasty & healthy eats and focus.   

I'll keep you posted.  

In the meantime, thanks for reading.