Wednesday, December 26, 2018

My word for 2019

Hey all...2019 is nearly here.  
I've had a great experience this past year with my word 'wholehearted'.  I let it impact my work, my relationships and my day to day life.  It was a good way to live out the year.  

In 2019 my word is GROWTH.  This past month I've looked in, looked up and looked out at many different words...through prayer, meditation and listening to others, I've come up with growth.  

In addition to one word for the year, I've been inspired by The Happier Podcast hosted by Gretchen Rubin and Elizabeth Craft and the idea of creating a list of 19 things for 2019.  As I took a few weeks to craft my list, it helped me focus in on a word for the year.  Many of the things on my list will lead towards growth in the area of relationships, faith, fitness, health, wellness, work skills, and personal growth.  

Here's my no particular order. 

1) Read 24 books - 12 my choice, 12 recommended by others (if you have a solid recommendation, please let me know.)

2) Blog my sermons and homilies (right after I preach) and write an additional post each month.  In essence, step up my online presence.   

3) PR in the marathon.  

4) Update Passport.  

5) Seasonal oasis space in the house.  (Create a clean space for reading, writing, meditation, stretching or crafting that is ready all the time.)

6) Start a garden.  

7) Write one hand written note a week.  

8) Send out Christmas cards....ones that contain pictures that Billy and I have taken throughout the year.  

9) Work on website/social media knowledge...for work purposes.  

10) De-clutter know, get rid of or find proper storage for things not used every day. 

11) Try one new healthy recipe a month that becomes second nature - I'll work on a recipe several times throughout the month until it becomes one that I know by heart.  (I already have a handful that I consider 'go to recipes', but I'd like to expand that a healthy way.)  

12) Make handmade/homemade Christmas gifts...I have the skills, it's a matter of planning and starting earlier in the year.  

13) Finish Quilt - yes the one I started in Indiana.  ('nuff said)

14) Play the ukulele in worship or at Pocono Retreat.

15) Date night once a month :) 

16) Find a running coach.

17) Sister weekend/trip. (Sister is totally on board for this one!)

18) Local ladies group...either surrounding fitness, crafty things or book club.

19) Volunteer outside of church...connect with local Girls on the Run Group or Conrad Weiser Cross Country or both?

When I think about growth, a growth chart pops into my head...I'm thinking about artistically journaling or keeping track of ways I see my own growth throughout the year...I'm not sure how that will take shape yet.  It may be a jar with stories or experiences of my growth throughout the year...who knows....

Do you have a word or a list for 2019?  
What is it?  

Here's to 2019 in whatever shape it takes for you, for me and for us all.  

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Mandatory Rest Day.

I'm in a new place with my running this (late) fall. 

After getting hooked on the Marathon Training Academy podcast, and hearing some good things about heart rate training, I've shifted my runs and gym workouts.  What that means for me is that I'm running much slower, which is okay.  Using the Maffetone Method, I'm running with a max heart rate of 136 beats per minute.  I've heard that after time, I will get faster as my body adjusts to training in that zone.  But in the meantime, I hope that training in this zone helps with fat burning, so I'll work to drop a total of 10 pounds, plus I feel good at the end of each workout, as if I could just keep going.  
It's been a while since I've felt that way at the end of a run.  I think I've been pushing myself too hard in workouts and not giving my body time to rest, recover and rebuild.  We'll see how my pace changes over the next several months.  I know it will take time, but my longer goal is to enjoy running for the next several decades. 

On my 'reading now' bookshelf are two books about running.  No surprise, really.  I've learned a lot about my body and the impact of exercise, training and eating while working my way through Run for Your Life by Mark Cucuzzella, M.D.  I heard about the book on the MTA podcast and ordered it through Two River Treads, Mark's running store.  The best part about receiving the book from a local (not to me) running store means it came with a personalized note.  

It's been a good read so far with not only helpful background information, but also drills to incorporate into day to day life.  

The other book on my night stand is Strong: A runner's guide to boosting confidence and becoming the best version of you by Kara Goucher.  It's fantastic.  While sharing her own experiences, she shares techniques that I have started to adapt to my training and recovery.  Not to mention questions to help me ponder both short term and long term goals in training and as a life long athlete.  

Between these two books, I'm in the process of a few things.  
1) Slowing down to speed up.  - I know there's speed in me and if I can train at a better heart rate, I'll get there and it will be better for me in the long run.  

2) Breaking 4 hours in the marathon.  (That's my big goal.)  It will take time to get there, but that's okay.  In the meantime, I'm bringing yoga and strength training back into my workout rotation and plan on building up mileage prior to marathon training, so I don't just jump into intense training when my body isn't ready for it.  

3) Taking better care of myself through better eating.  My goal is to drop 10 pounds (2 down, 8 to go!)  That means watching what I'm eating in a way to fuel my muscles and help them repair during rest days and focusing on hydration.  You know, the basics.  

So yeah, good goals, inspiring authors and athletes and then on yesterday's run, I fell.  
Yup, just like that, caught the change in the sidewalk with my toe and down I went.  

Luckily with winter layers, I was pretty well padded.  As you can see, my right hand (and essentially my whole right arm) took the brunt of the fall.  Amazingly, I did not hit my head or break anything.  
But today became a rest day.  Last night I was achy in my right arm going up to my shoulder.  Today as the day has gone on, the ache has continued.   

Luckily, all I need is a new pair of gloves, some rest and a heating pad.  
We'll see how I feel tomorrow.  

Thanks for reading.  


Friday, October 5, 2018

Recipe Request

I just realized that I did not post about Reach the Beach, oops!  
That will be the next post.  
But yesterday I made a tasty pot of soup and a friend was curious about the recipe.  
Since I made it up, I'll share it here as best as I can.  Measurements are sketchy, since I chopped stuff and dropped it in the pot and pretty much used up ingredients that were left over from other recipes.  (Sometimes they make the best new recipes!) 
Feel free to add or subtract ingredients or swap some out for others. 

Fall in a Pot Soup

1 lb. mild Italian sausage
1 sweet onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 carrot, diced
3/4 butternut squash, cubed
1 1/2 zucchini chopped
1 large jar tomatoes (I used my own but a 33oz can would work)
1 15 oz can chicken stock
1 15 oz can cannellini beans
1/2 a bag of kale, chopped
handful of fresh basil, chopped
a few shakes of dried oregano
2 pinches of sugar (optional)
grated parmesan cheese

Grab a pot, start cooking up the sausage (med-high heat, I think) breaking it as it cooks.  
While it cooks, start dicing the veggies.  
When the sausage is mostly cooked, you could drain off some of the fat, I didn't.  
Anyway, when it is slightly browned and may have a few pink spots left, add onions, garlic and carrot.  Sauté until the onion softens.  
Add butternut squash, cook for a few more minutes. 
Add zucchini, tomatoes, chicken stock and beans.  
Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes.  
Add kale, basil & oregano. 
Simmer for 15 more minutes.  
Taste...this is where I added a few pinches of sugar to take the 'bite' off the tomatoes.  
Serve with a hearty bread if you've got it, but honestly it stands well on its own.  

I topped it with some parmesan cheese.  Yum.  

Chef's notes:
My initial plan was to use turkey sausage, for a healthier soup, but went with ingredients I had in the house.  
You could also add pasta.  You may need to add more stock or water in that case.  
Whatever you do, enjoy!  


Monday, August 20, 2018

Reaching for the Beach!

Since before I can remember, Camp Calumet has always been a place where I have felt at home.  
I remember tent camping with my family at the family camp. 
At age 8, I headed off to resident camp which meant a week away from home.  
I believe I was homesick most of the week, but I endured.  

Look at me rockin' the Camp Calumet Lutheran t-shirt (farthest on the right.)

My week in Girls Cabin 1 was memorable enough that I headed back again and again.  
After about 8 summers as a camper, I may have taken a summer away.  I remember visiting my friend Jane at camp and as I left, I was camp sick.  I realized that I missed being up there.  There was something about this place, that I really wanted to return.  

The summer of 1991 I was a JC (Junior Counselor) and lived in Girls Cabin 3 for the whole summer with co-counselors Amanda & Lisa.  It was a summer that changed my life.  For the next 9 summers I was up at camp for as much of the summer as I could be.  I ended up spending several weeks a summer away from camp as I served at urban day camps in Providence, RI, New Haven and New Britain, CT.  

It was through my summers on staff that many of my pastoral gifts were brought to the surface.  Each summer I would return home and my mom would look forward to the young woman I continued developing into.  I was able to share my faith with campers as we learned about God's love through Bible study, games, and crafts.  I was able to question my faith as deep conversations happened with other staff members and our relationships with God and with another deepened.  

I think what impacted me most was that camp was a place I could truly be myself.  Whoever I thought I needed to be in school or back home was different than the confidence I had in myself at camp.  By seeing my confidence grow, I continued to try new things, I learned about being a servant leader and how to teach God's love to kids and adults.  I took on more and more leadership positions.  

Camp Calumet has given me so much or should I say, pulled so much out of me.  It has brought to the surface the God given gifts I have for ministry and day-to-day life.  
The gifts that I share with the youth at Trinity were nurtured and lifted up at Calumet.  
The comfort I have with teaching and leading adults were discovered at Calumet.  
The way I share what I believe and how I live as a Lutheran was deeply formed through all my experiences as a camper and a staff member at Calumet.  
My love for camp and understanding of its importance has led me to serve on the Board of Directors at Bear Creek Camp (the Lutheran camp in my synod.)

So now I answer the call to give back, to see all that has been pulled out of me and help as many kids as I can have the same experience.  

On September 15-16 I will participate in Reach the Beach, a 200 mile relay race, as one member of a 12 person team.  Over two days, we will cover 200 miles, laugh, run, sweat, sleep? and run some more.  Everyone on my team is running for Calumet.  We are all seeking donors to reach our goal of raising over $100,000 for the campership fund at Calumet.  That means every penny we raise goes into a fund to get kids to camp so that no child is denied a camp experience for financial reasons.  

Check out my fundraising page  Calumet Reach the Beach to read more about the 72 runners working together the reach the beach all while helping kids reach camp.  

My personal goal is to receive donations from 75 different donors/families each with a donation of $25.  I believe I know 75 individuals or families who have experienced Calumet itself, or have experienced Calumet through my ministry, collegiality or friendship.  

If you are able to donate $25, that would be fantastic!  If you wish to donate more....awesomesauce!  
If you can share this with others willing to donate, that would also be great.  It's all about kids going to camp.  It's that simple.  

Updates about my training will be here from time to time as will reflections after the adventure in September.  

Thanks for reading.

Until the next post...

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Hey August, how you doin?

And here begins a month with two separate areas of focus. 
The first, back into the wholehearted journey.  Last month...coming off the gathering, enjoying VBS and a week at camp (no excuses, really) I didn't focus on the guidepost of Play and Rest.  Well, I guess I got plenty of play with VBS and camp.  I rested when I was sick...But I had not intentionally focused on it.  I've decided to revisit this focus in November. 

This month is all about cultivating calm and stillness and letting go of anxiety.  

My hopes/practices for this month are as follows:
Read & journal - While it's not total stillness, it brings me a sense of stillness and calm and takes me away from mind numbing games on my phone.  
Sit (phone free) with coffee - Listening to the birds in the morning, letting my mind roam, allowing by lungs to just breath is a sacred time and space for me.  
Yoga and/or home stretching - I have a book titled Stretch and Pray.  It's time to bring that back into practice to help with my flexibility and mediation/prayer life.  

Last night as I drifted off to sleep.  I repeated Psalm 46:10 with intentional breathing between each phrase.  

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am.

Be still and know.

Be still.


August is also known in my family as GSD (get stuff done) month.  It was termed by my brother-in-law (thanks, Sean!)  
So those projects include:

Gutting the pantry.  
Organizing the spare room so it contains space for our multiple hobbies - photography, quilting, music.  
Framing & hanging random artwork.  

Bring on August.  

I'll keep you posted on the stillness, calm and creating de-cluttered spaces.  :)

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Hospitality - This changes everything.

July 8, 2018
7th Sunday after Pentecost
Ezekiel 2:1-5
Psalm 123
2 Corinthians 12:2-10
Mark 6:1-13

Please pray with me,
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of all of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O God, our rock, our strength and our redeemer.  Amen. 

Before we left for Houston, at our last meeting with youth and adults, I talked about how as soon as the vans arrived at 3:30am on Monday, that we would be totally dependent upon the hospitality of others until we arrived back at Trinity the following Monday.  It’s similar to the calling Jesus gives to his disciples in our gospel lesson this day. 

And then Jesus called the twelve and began to send them out…take nothing with you, Jesus said, no bag, no bread, no money in your belts, wear sandals….

Discipleship, as Jesus describes it, lets the disciples and us know that when we leave this building, or the company of other believers that we are totally dependent upon the hospitality of others – in essence, the hospitality of strangers. 

And then Pastor Jen called the lucky 13, and reminded them each day in Houston, that they would always travel in pairs, that they (unlike Jesus’ disciples) would take a bag with them that would contain a filled water bottle, their cell phone, snacks, any money they may want for souvenirs, sunscreen and an extra layer for those air conditioned spaces.  Also, they would wear sneakers, NOT sandals!

But the message of being sent was the same, stay focused on your surroundings, be with the people of this place, see God in your midst, tell others why you are here, spread the message of love in all that you do and say. 

As we entered the city each day, we were ready to be the presence of Christ, to see God in our midst and we were ready to be changed through this experience.   

And through it all, we were most definitely dependent upon the hospitality of strangers. 

We circled up in prayer with one of our drivers at 3:21am on the morning of June 25 and prayed for safe travels as we departed from Robesonia. 

We navigated through the airport, made it through check in smoothly, and immediately found Jesus…Sweet Jesus, to be exact. 

We we’re picked up in style in Houston when our driver met us at baggage claim with a pen written sign saying, Jen D.  He escorted us out of the airport and onto a party bus! 

Neon lights, comfy seats…and even though we were exhausted we sang along to a great play list as we journeyed to our hotel. 

At this point – still day one of our trip – we had already been dependent upon multiple drivers, airport employees, flight attendants and pilots and folks working at the food stands at the airport. 

After checking in at our hotel, we entered into the Houston heat and walked to Denny’s for a filling and satisfying lunch, had a rest-filled afternoon and then enjoyed tasty TexMex at Don Carlos that evening. 

We were cared for by a wonderful server and skilled cooks.  The chips didn’t stop coming!

While I do not have the time to walk you through every minute of our trip, you can get the sense that we needed the hospitality of those we did not know to make our trip possible. 

We were dependent upon the care, hospitality and openness of others to make our travels possible. 

So many times, throughout the week, I saw God in our midst in through the hospitality of strangers placed on our path through our travels in Houston.

As we navigated public transportation we were helped and assisted by transportation employees and Houstonians alike. 

This helpful gentleman also gave us the heads up that Jackson Street Barbeque was the best Barbeque in the city….we made there a few days later and it did NOT disappoint! 

And I have to tell you, that the day we ate at Jackson Street, they allowed us to wait out a serious thunderstorm that rolled through the city after lunch.  They were fine with us, sipping water, writing postcards and waiting out the storm until we were able to head on our way for the rest of the day. 

From Metro employees, to Houstonians, to cooks and servers, we were continually fed, hydrated, cared for and welcomed and that made a world of difference. 

It was a true joy to see our youth appreciatively respond to the hospitality of strangers.  They continued to be grateful and thankful for the care and compassion bestowed upon us as our week continued.
Discipleship is fundamentally dependent upon the other…when we leave the building we are dependent upon the hospitality of the stranger.   

This continued to play out as we gathered with 31,000 Lutheran youth in NRG stadium.

I don’t know about you, but when you get this many people gathered together, dancing, singing, praying, hearing inspirational speakers and worshiping together, the Holy Spirit will be movin’! 

The employees of NRG Stadium, who worked nights and a weekend for us, kept us moving in and out of the building as safely as they could and took care of us when we were in their presence. 

I don’t have a bathroom picture to share – because, well, that would be weird, but one of the placed I saw God was in one of the female employees at NRG Stadium who was working her tail off to keep the women’s room tidy and ready for a sea of women.  If you’ve ever been at a concert or convention, you know the lines around bathrooms.  Guys, if you haven’t experienced them, you’ve at least seen the lines coming out of the ladies room as you wait for your spouse or friends.

And so here, in the midst of bathroom busyness, this staff person, moved from stall to stall, insuring it was clean and ready for the next woman who needed it.  She stocked toilet paper, she stocked paper towels, she mopped up water and did it all with a joyful spirit.  In one of the places you least expect to see God at work….God was there in the hospitality of that woman in that bathroom. 

Sometimes we forget how dependent we are upon others, until we leave the comfort of our own homes and communities. 

I would be remiss, if I didn’t share one of the highlights of our trip…which you will no doubt hear about from others when they share stories in August.  But I have to tell you about Daisy’s Deli. 

We found this place on Yelp, saw that it was just as close as Denny’s but it was locally owned so we wanted to check it out. 

As we rounded the corner at the address in Yelp, we found ourselves at an office building.   The group waited outside as I checked with the gentleman at the front desk to make sure we were at the right place. 

He said, down the hall, turn left and it’s on your right.  Thanks, I said and reminded the group that we were entering a place of business as we made our way down the hall to a tiny little deli. 

The surprise on the owner’s face as her deli was filled with 17 people was priceless.  She promptly walked us through the menu and took our orders, within 20 minutes, all our bagels, breakfast sandwiches and breakfast tacos were hot and ready.  They were delicious.  We enjoyed fresh watermelon and cantaloupe, too.  We were well fed. 

As we walked back to the hotel that morning, I asked, so breakfast tomorrow Denny’s or Daisy’s?  Daisy’s!  Was the resounding reply. 

The next morning, Kiara called our order in, so that our crew would be expected.  We were welcomed with open arms…and we ate, again, like champs. 

Pil, and her co-worker Wong, were willing to be in a picture with us. 
She may have even teared up a little when I asked if we could hug.  She was touched by our presence and we by her hospitality.  If we could have eaten there again we would have. 

Several of our youth explained to the owner, Pil, why we were in Houston and how we found her place on Yelp and how we had to come back a second time.  

When hospitality is extended, lives are changed.  

As we leave this place - this sanctuary, this community of faith - as disciples we are sent to proclaim God’s word through word and deed, we are dependent upon the hospitality of strangers.  We are called to meet them where they are, listen to their stories, and walk with them on this journey. 

May you be embraced by the hospitality of others as you continue to extend God’s hospitality to others. 

And may the peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding keep our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and let all God’s people say, amen. 

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Sermon for June 24

June 24, 2018
John the Baptist

Malachi 3:1-4
Psalm 141
Acts 13:13-26
Luke 1:57-80

Please pray with me,
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of all of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O God, our rock, our strength and our redeemer.  Amen.  

In the tender compassion of our God, the dawn from on high shall break upon us.

This is the refrain to sung as part of morning prayer in our hymnals.  The rest of the canticle or hymn, is known as the song of Zechariah.  It is the second half of our gospel lesson today.  

In the tender compassion of our God, the dawn from on high shall break upon us.

On Friday mornings at seminary, a small group of us would gather for Morning Prayer and we would sing this refrain a part of our morning prayer.  The rest of the final verse incorporates the refrain with some additional text:

In the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high shall break upon us, to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death, and to guide our feet into the way of peace.  

I have to be truthful here.  I spent lots of time this week wrestling with this text as I listened to the news and as I packed and prepped for Houston.  

In the tender mercy of our God…as we listen to this canticle, we know that part of it is Zechariah rejoicing over the birth of his son and rejoicing because he is now able to speak.  Earlier in the gospel of Luke, when the angel Gabriel announces to Zechariah that he and Elizabeth would have a son, he questions Gabriel, saying, “How can this be?”  And because of his disbelief in the proclamation, Gabriel renders him mute.  

His ability to speak returns (as we heard today) after he writes that the child shall be named John.  

Needless to say, there is much reason for Zechariah to rejoice, but it is more than the birth of his son and the return of his voice.  The reason to rejoice is because of God’s great mercy. 

The word mercy, in our passage today is defined as showing kindness or concern for someone in serious need.   

Last month at the Poconos, I led a session that talked about God’s infinite mercy. Part of our time together allowed the youth time to come up with a definition for the word mercy.  

One group said it was that game where you bend your partner's hands back until they say caused the adults in the room to shudder.  

But most of them came up with a working definition that had to do with acting kind or gentle or with compassion when in a position to do the opposite.  

The key that we discussed in the definition was that mercy is shown when a person in power or a person who has power or privilege choses to show compassion when they have the opportunity to use his or her power to their own advantage.  

Does that make sense?  The key to mercy is that when a person is in power or in a position of power, she or he decides to respond to a situation with compassion, instead of hurt or harm.

Mercy is tough stuff.  

Thank God that God's mercy is endless.  

When we mess up (yes, there are consequences) but God gives us second, third and millionth chances.  God, whose power is infinite, shows compassion and mercy.  

Yet it’s hard for us to live out of God's grace and mercy modeling that for others.  As soon as we get a glimpse of that power or authority or control, we hesitate to give it up.  It's easier to use that power to maintain power or the control that we think we have rather than show mercy and compassion to others.  

This isn't a new problem...humankind has always struggled when it comes to power, who has it and how you act with it.  
We, the people of God, the family of God, are called to live out humble lives of service and love, extending mercy and compassion when we could hurt or harm others.

So, if mercy is to show kindness or concern for someone in serious need., then who is in "serious need"? 

In our text, it might be that the barrenness of Elizabeth had put her and Zechariah in need.  (Stoffregen) The "needy" are defined in verses 78 & 79.  Spoiler alert…it’s us.  
People sitting in darkness and in the shadow of death. 
People who are not at peace.  

It’s us, the imperfect ones.  

The ones who struggle daily with the divisiveness coming from our political parties.  
The ones who struggle with wondering how in a world that produces enough food for 7 million people, that people in our own community go to bed hungry.  
The ones who struggle to make ends meet.  
The ones who live in or are trying to mend broken relationships.  
The ones who worry about how they will be seen or heard.
The ones who struggle with self-esteem and body image. 
The ones who post the perfect images on social media as they covet the perfection of their neighbors and friends.  
The ones who are imperfect…
It’s you, it’s me…

Look, it’s us.  
We still walk in the darkness in this world.  
Yet God, who loves us unconditionally, reaches out from a place of extreme power and offers us compassion and mercy and a place of love and a place to be loved.  

But I have to tell you, in receiving that love and mercy and grace and compassion…we are transformed.  We are placed in a path in the light to walk the way of peace.  

And when we walk that path…we illumine the path for others.  
I’d like you to watch part of Chris Pratt’s acceptance speech for the Generation Award at the MTV movie and TV Awards from last week.  

He begins with words of thanks to his family and a nod to his son and then enters in with the 9 Rules from Chris Pratt.  

When I shared this video in worship, I left out #7.  While it was on MTV, it didn't really fit in with the sermon as part of worship.  

It sounds some what reminiscent of a Lutheran sermon, no?  I  mean, he used the word grace!!   Chris talks about each of us having a soul, about how we are called to act around others and to know God loves us, to pray and that grace is a gift!  

That grace, my friends, is Jesus.  There is nothing that we can do to earn this gift. 

Through God’s love and mercy, Jesus came into the world to break us free from the power of sin and death and transform us into humble, grace-filled servants in the world around us.  

When we live out of that grace, I can’t say this enough, we are empowered to show mercy and compassion to others…to walk along the path that Jesus set before us as the Prince of Peace and to make a difference in the world because we are loved and forgiven and sent to serve.  

A wise woman (my mother) said to me this week, “We need to be that grace in action.” 

So whatever it is you find to do…you should do it with all your heart.  
Lead with love.  
Respond with mercy.
Continue to walk humbly with God.  

Let us pray, 
Good and gracious God, thank you for loving us.  Thank you for creating us in your image and for continually calling us to live lives that model your compassion and mercy.  We give you thanks for offering us forgiveness when we mess up or miss opportunities to serve and care for others.  Help us to see all humanity as our neighbor.  Help us to build relationships, model humility and show mercy.  And all God’s people say, amen.  

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Truth is...

Truth is working out is hard this week. 

I'm not sure why.  I've had drive to run twice and the desire to not do anything else the other days.  
I know it's good to work out. 
I know I'll feel better when I do. 

But goodness, the emotional drive to do it this week has been a struggle.  
I've reached out to a private workout facebook group for some accountability.  
I'm wondering where my internal drive has gotten off to.  
The good news is that the prospect of running has been inspiring.  It seems that is all I want to do.  
But since I hurt my achilles tendon several years ago I have not been in the habit of back to back running days. 

With a Ragnar in the fall, I know that in July I'll kick into training gear.  Having a goal race and a plan to get me there works really well for me.  I know that having something larger than myself to work for I will be jazzed to run and workout.  In fact, I can't wait to start that training plan.  But in the meantime, I'm frustrated with my lack of internal motivation.  

It's been a weird week with feeling all or nothing.
I think I need to take it one day at a time.  

I'll set out my clothes to get a spin class in at the gym before work.  
I will go 'screen free' at 8:30 and read until an early bed time.  

Tomorrow: Early morning spin. 

I'll tell a friend or two that this is my plan for today and tomorrow.  

I can do this.  
I will do this.  

It is good for my heart, body and soul.  

In other news, my weight has been fluctuating just a bit.  Since my last weigh post at 152.4 on May 21, I've been down to 149.6 and back up this week to 151.2.  All in all, it's not that much.  And, I think my body is good at this weight.  I like seeing numbers under 150, but this past week I have not been logging food as faithfully as I have in the past.  When I don't log it, I tend to snack more and not think too much about it.  

I don't want this post to be only frustrations and struggles...but I share them because they are part of this journey for me.  It's not all great runs and healthy eating.  I struggle with this.  It's work for me.  Truth always will be.  

Some days are better than others.  
Yesterday I ran a sweet 3 miles with negative splits and ended up having a milkshake for dinner.  (win. win?)
I had a really good stretch and roll both yesterday and Sunday when I ran this week.  
I'll take the ups and downs.  
It's a journey and you learn along the way.  

Thanks for listening.  

Until the next post.