Just over 14 miles in...back in town (thankfully) I met with some uneven sidewalk and went down.
Luckily I could get right back up. It was probably a combination of the shock and the desire to just be done that got me across the street and allowed me to jog the few blocks home.
I was a sight to see. Both knees scraped, my left elbow and palm scraped, and a scrape on my right forearm. I am thankful that neither my face nor head hit cement.
The day after the fall my upper arms were achy.
I tried some elliptical on Tuesday and it was okay, but not great.
I have not run since Saturday. I'm getting antsy.
But while I recover from the fall, I'm also very aware that my body needs time to heal.
The bruising is beginning to show on my left knee and the scrape on my right knee is in need of more healing. So I'll wait to run.
And while I wait, I have some things to think about.
Truth 1: I've been struggling a lot this training plan.
Not as much physically as mentally. I'm running the training runs in the times I should be, I just don't feel the joy that I have in the past. And that's the biggest struggle....when it's not a joy to go out for a run, then I have to work that much harder to make it feel good. When I feel like I'm working harder then I am not able to let my thoughts and prayers fly freely to clear my head and my heart. What used to be a time of freedom and joy feels more like a chore.
Don't get me wrong, I know that training for a marathon is work. I know that it can be grueling. I know that it will take its toll mentally and physically. But this is more than finding myself in a rut. It seems that this feeling has been with me since the first week of training.
Truth 2: There is a bit of joy. The joy I do feel is when I am in the middle of a speed workout. When it's me and the track and a stop watch. I can push and push and laugh and feel great.
Truth 3: I absolutely LOVED the triathlon training and my first tri this summer. It was a new set of workouts. It got me out of old training routines. It was great for my body. The tri itself was an amazing experience and a joy filled day.
Truth 4: Last year I PR-ed 5K, 10K, 1/2 marathon and full marathon. (It was a pretty great year for me, race-wise.) I know that I am not at that caliber right now. That is part of the nagging feeling I have right now....that I'm not as fit as I was last year. The other side to this is my weight. The numbers on the scale have gone up this past year and I'm feeling that in my training and seeing it in some not great eating habits.
I've always thought to myself, if it's not fun, why do it?
I will say, up until this fall running has provided joy, a time for prayer and reflection and some time during my day for solitude and mental rest, not to mention great exercise and endorphins!
Where does that leave me? I'm not sure.
I share this because I feel that my running and general fitness is a part of who I am in the community and at Trinity. I want to be honest with people, especially people who continue to encourage and support me in all that I do. I share this because it's a tough time for me right now and I feel that I have some discerning to do about upcoming races and training. I have had these thoughts over the past months but the recent injury and recent conversations with friends has helped me put my thoughts into words.
I guess I share this, too, to be real that sometimes feelings change and our own reactions to things we have done with joy in the past may change...and when that happens, it's okay to think about it, pray about it and talk with friends about it as you figure out what happens next.
Thanks for listening....
I'll keep you posted.
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