153.6

Christ is risen!  He is risen indeed!  

Holy Week was filled with love, hope, holy moments, worship, fellowship, exercise, friendship and family.  It was a good week.  

So, here I sit, on the Monday after Easter looking at trees covered in snow and think, yes, it's a great day for sabbath.  After a solid night's sleep, I'm sipping coffee, reflecting and getting ready for a day filled with rest and re-creation.  

Today's TA-DA list includes:
Blog post
Riding my bike for #30daysofbiking
Reading - Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin
Making quiche
Dunkin? 
Eating popcorn and watching Real Genius

It looks to be a good day, even with the snow outside.  

As my wholehearted journey continues, March winds down and April begins.  
I was journaling daily in March, using the vowel check-in which gave me time and space each day to think about how the day went.  I liked this practice.  Some journal entries were simply a sentence for each letter and other entries filled pages.  It just depended on how the day had gone.  I realized that I need to put pen to paper each day.  While I enjoy blog posts, there is something about the physicality of writing on paper, that I deeply enjoy.  That practice will continue in April in some shape or form.  

As I took time this past month to think about activities that 'numb' me, I took a break from phone activity including social media and the Simon Cat game - which just sucks me in...it's weird.  
Anyway, one of my personal rules that I developed in March was not allowing myself to play games or use any social media outlets in bed.  This is my new favorite rule.  Seriously.  Here are a few reasons why:
1) I'm not filling my just before falling asleep time with screen time.  My eyes and mind need a break before going to sleep, so this way, once I'm in bed, if I'm awake, I'm reading our journaling.  
2) In the same vein, when I wake up, I don't just go to my phone.  I listen to the news or the radio and get up without spending 5-20 minutes surfing facebook or instagram or playing the cat game.  
3) It's lessened the time I spend on my phone each day. (just a healthy habit)

Also in March (drumroll please) I flossed every single day.  31 days of flossing.  It doesn't sound very exciting, but the dentist said, I really should floss daily.  Not that my most recent visit wasn't the first time they said that, but for some reason this time it stuck!  I'm proud of myself for creating this healthy habit over the past month.  

Moving into April...it's a focus on cultivating gratitude and joy - letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark.  I'll be sharing posts containing #joywins or journaling about joy moments each day and looking for the joy that is in the world every day.  

Also, I'll be riding my bike each day.  Yay for #30daysofbiking!  

In thinking about how all of this relates to my weekly weigh-ins, I'll be looking into quick, healthy recipes that bring me joy in preparing and eating.  Billy and I truly enjoy food...and I know we can be doing a better job of preparing tasty food that nourishes our bodies well.  

I'll keep you posted.  
Seek joy & be well.

Until the next post...

151.6 or 154.4

So I weighed in yesterday at 151.6....that was before a tasty lunch out at the local Thai place with friends.  The coconut ice cream and mango ice cream was a tasty treat!  

Which was before pizza night:

Which ended with pie...  

Strawberry rhubarb, to be exact.  

Super tasty...

I may have had one more bite before heading to bed. (not pictured)

Went to bed and didn't get up until the next day (today) to hop on the scale and see 154.4.  

You know....good times....not. 

Followed by the daily page on my happiness calendar:

*note the peeps oreos in the background

I've been logging food and exercising daily.  

At this point, as Holy Week has begun, I'm granting myself some grace.  This is not the week to make a major change in eating habits or exercise habits.  

I have found, however, that I do work well with guidelines.  That being said, here are my guidelines for Holy Week:

1) Healthy protein packed breakfasts each day.  (This meal is in my control every day.  I can do this.)

2) Daily exercise.  Seeing as my weight had plateaued over the past few weeks (going up or down by fractions of a pound to a pound) I need to make some changes to my workouts.  But again, Holy Week, not the time to go crazy. 

3) Continue to log workouts and food in My Fitness Pal.  I need to keep this good habit going.  

4) Keep track of my sleep, by sticking to a good bedtime.  Sleep is good.  

5) Being kind to myself when I treat myself to oreos or pie.  (Homemade pie is best fresh.  They say a fruit pie lasts 2-3 days in the fridge, that's not always the case in this house.)

6) Set goals for after Easter Sunday.  Goals that include meeting with a trainer at the gym, talking with a nutritionalist or dietician and making the needed changes in exercise and diet.  

So the week begins.  
I'm ready for the journey to the cross...beginning with the hosannas (or snowsannas) of yesterday.  
Ready to hear the command to love and serve others.
Ready to hear the story of the death on the cross and remember how Jesus died for me.  
Ready to head to the tomb early on Sunday morning to hear a message of resurrection, promise and hope.  

It's a week filled with story, experience, wonder and hope.  
It's a week to remember that all the feelings, worries, struggles, fears and joys have a place in God's story and in God's relationship with us.  

May this message of great love transform the world as we know it.  

Blessings, friends.  

152.6 (on Monday)

I have still been weighing in on Mondays, but have not allowed myself enough time on Monday mornings to blog and make it to the gym.  

So my posts have been coming a day or two after I weigh in.  

Even though the weight was a pinch up this week, I'm still feeling good.  

Things are going well, cardio-wise, at the gym.  In January I jumped on the Iditarod challenge with the goal of conquering 979 miles, or in gym measurement 2,987 minutes.  

When the weather has been nice, I was reverting to outside cardio, so I had some catch up to do over the past few weeks.  But last week - boom!  I hit the leaderboard!  

I'll take third place!  Woohoo!  My original goal was to finish the race by April 28, but hitting the top 3.  Bonus!  

Today was an unexpected snow day. So it began with some reading and some running. 

At the end of 4 miles, I met up with my snow day Dunkin' buddies.  I will run for dunkin any way.  It must be the New Englander in me.  

Also, the girl scout coconut caramel coffee is pretty tasty.  

After an adventurous morning, I worked on some writing for church and some website stuff.  

And then it was time for lunch.  With taco left overs, I debated nachos, until I remembered the tater tots in the freezer.  So it was totchos for the win! 

With the snow still falling, I read for a while and debated going back out.  The skis that I brought home from my parents' house were calling my name, so I headed back out.  

With the roads still slightly covered with snow, it was pretty good conditions.  It was definitely sowing harder than it was when I ran earlier, but it was totally worth it.  

At this point, my legs are done for the day.  

Also, we ended up making homemade pizza for dinner, just because.  

All in all it was a great day.  I accomplished some work around the house and some work from the office.  I relaxed with a cat in my lap and a book in my hand and I spent a good church of the outside.  

I can pretty much guarantee a solid night's sleep tonight, that will begin sooner rather than later.  

Hope you all enjoyed your first full day of spring.  

Until the next post...

151.8

With yesterday's weigh in I was back down a pinch again. :)  

Last week I exercised with vigor, logged my food and exercise more regularly and overall ate better.  

That being said, I struggle a bit to write this blog this morning at a time when I would normally be sweating it out like a champ on a bike in Spin class.  Yet, last night as I was watching some TV, I crossed my legs and something in my hip started to ache.  It was tough falling asleep as I could not get my left leg comfortable.  When I woke up, it felt a little stiff, but when I got out of bed it wasn't sharp pain, but an ache enough that my body said, "Rest."  After an extra hour of sleep, my leg is still a bit off, but not spinning was the smart choice.  I know I would not have been able to go easy in that class and I was worried about making this injury worse.  

I told a friend last week that rest is key in healing...I needed to repeat that to myself over and over in bed this morning.  I know (in the long run) a rest day today will be beneficial.  It's tough, however, to begin my day out of the regular routine of checking in with gym buddies and beginning my day with exercise.   

Depending on how the leg feels at the end of the day, yoga is an option to stretch it out.  We'll just have to see how it feels later.  

In the meantime, I can say that in general I've been feeling much better, health wise.  I feel like the weight loss over the past few months is now showing and clothes have been fitting better and I have more energy.  :)  These are all wonderful positives even when the numbers on the scale are not going down.  

In other realms of my life, my word for the year is wholehearted.  This month I've been focusing on cultivating a resilient spirit - letting go of numbing and powerlessness.  Thanks to Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection, my guidepost for this month addresses how we numb things in our lives.  We find additions and use them to numb feelings and emotions.  The thing that she has come to realize or discover is that you can't numb just the things you don't like.  When you practice numbing, you numb the bad AND the good.  I've realized that my phone screen takes up much of my time.  When I'm in the room with others, I'm drawn to check the screen.  When the tv is on, I'll scroll facebook or my instagram feed and truthfully not fully be engaged in either screen.  So, I've been actively limiting my time on social media and silly cat games.  I've been more aware of my surroundings at home and will check facebook from time to time on my desktop and try not to be sucked into my phone.  

I've already found much more time to read, which is a bonus.  

I'm also aware that when I'm home with down time, it's much more of a challenge to curb myself from my phone.  Last week's snow day was a tough one. 

Oh, my one other self-inflicted rule is that I don't check social media in bed.  For one, it means I'm not staring at a screen for many minutes or more before falling asleep, but also I'm not waking up and staring at a screen before I begin my day.  This simple change has made the biggest difference in a good way for my sleep habits.  

I've taken to journal everyday, as well.  

I end with a simple entry: the Vowel Check.  (Found in The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown) 

A- Have I been abstinent today? How have I refrained (or not) from the items that numb me? - for me social media/phone screen time

E- Have I exercised today? 

I- What have I done for me today?

O- what have I don't for others today?

U- Am I holding on to unexpressed emotions?  

Y- Yeah! What's something good that happened today?

Needless to say, some letters have longer daily entries than others, but as take the time to write more and more each day, I've also found my mind actively processing emotions and experiences more than I have in the past.  Here's to more self-reflection, insight and discovery.  

Blessings to you all this day.  

+peace

Invitation into the light

March 11, 2018

Fourth Sunday in Lent

Numbers 21:4-9

Psalm 107:1-3, 17-22

Ephesians 2:1-10

John 3:14-21

Please pray with me,

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of all of our hearts be acceptable and suitable in your sight, O God, our rock, our strength and our redeemer.  Amen. 

We are in the gospel of John, in a very familiar passage from John.  To hear both a message that brings hope and promise but also a message that makes us wonder. 

A colleague of mine, when referring to the gospel of John, sometimes describes it as a play set on stage.  Picture this: Jesus is standing center stage, in the spotlight, and the rest of the stage is dark.  Throughout this gospel, people – either individuals or groups come to Jesus in the light…they talk, they ask or answer questions and then they depart back into the darkness.  – oh that’s telling, isn’t it? 

After interacting with Jesus in the light, they depart, back into darkness. 

They come into Jesus presence, hear his words, hear the message of love and grace and forgiveness and are transformed or confused or sometimes both…and then they go on their way. 

Some leave, telling the great news of God through Jesus Christ, like the woman at the well, who proclaims, “Come and see!”

Others, like Nicodemus, the one to whom Jesus is speaking in today’s passage, comes to Jesus at night asks him questions, but does not seem to understand Jesus’ answers. 

So as we hear today’s familiar passage, it’s important to remember to whom Jesus was speaking, but also to hear it as words being spoken to us, today. 

We hear the familiar words in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.” 

Ah…familiar words, the mini gospel in one verse…the verse seen on bumper stickers, as tattoos and on signs at sporting events. 

A podcast I listen to said, “It’s funny, you don’t see people carrying posters of John 3:18 or 3:19.” 

Those verses read…“Those who believe in him are not condemned; but those who do not believe are condemned already, because they have not believed that the light has come into the world.  And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light.” 

And people loved darkness rather than light…

Why is that the case? 

What is it about the darkness that makes us comfortable?  Or causes us to feel safe?  Or is just a place we want to be? 

Maybe the better question is, what is it about the light that makes us uncomfortable? 

In John’s gospel, light is truth.  The light of the world, Jesus teaches God’s love.  Jesus reminds us of how God sees us.  Just as we are.  Warts and all. 

Jesus reminds us that created in God’s image, God knows our innermost thoughts, dreams, hopes, worries and anxieties.  God knows our heart and our mind and all that happens within both. 

Maybe the darkness is a place we retreat to because having God see us for who we truly are is a very vulnerable spot to find ourselves in.  Or maybe, just maybe, there are things about ourselves, that we want to keep hidden from our own eyes.  Things – attitudes, actions, personality traits, words we’ve said that we would rather not be reminded of…that we’ve pushed into the dark recesses of our minds and hearts as to not claim them as parts of ourselves. 

We – on some level- may fear the exposure of our own mediocrity….so we control what we share and with whom, so no one knows the secrets we hold. 

Yet, in the light…the light of Christ, the light of an empty tomb….we cannot hide.  God sees into our hearts…and sheds light on our worries, faults, weaknesses, sinful actions, anxieties and says…this is why I came into the world, not to condemn you for this, but that you may be saved through the life, death and resurrection of my Son, Jesus. 

Now that is one powerful light. 

A light of truth…

A light of grace…

A light of peace and love…

We don’t shine the light on others to say….Ah ha!  This is what you’ve been hiding!!  Gotcha! 

Nope.  Not us. 

Oh, except when we do. 

When we do find ourselves doing that, we’ve fallen into the trap of sin yet again. 

But God is shining this light…on us to say, hey…this stuff about you…the stuff you don’t like…the stuff you feel you need to hide...there are ways to heal this brokenness.  Shining a light on your brokenness lets you know that I know it is there and I love you just the same. 

God says, I don’t want you to feel shame…

God says, I want you to feel whole and complete and loved. 

God says, You are worthy and you are mine. 

I’ve just finished reading Rising Strong: How the ability to reset transforms the waywe live, love, parent and lead.   It’s written by Brené Brown who has done extensive research in the areas of vulnerability and shame. 

On Wednesday, I read this passage:

“Our identities are always changing and growing, they’re not meant to be pinned down.  Our histories are never all good or all bad, and running from the past is the surest way to be defined by it.  That’s when it owns us.  The key is bringing light to the darkness – developing awareness and understanding.” 

“The key is bringing light into darkness – developing awareness and understanding.”

That’s what God did and continues to do through Jesus by bringing light into darkness.  Showing the world a new awareness and understanding of God’s love. 

So maybe that’s the call for our lives…and our world.

Continue to bring the light into darkness. 

Personally, it will give us each space and time to reflect on our own needs, worries, faults, foibles, imperfections, you know, those things that we hide from the world… Bringing light into darkness will allow us space to let God see us for who we are…and to love us because we are worthy of that love.  Nothing you do or do not do can take God’s love away from you. 

And after we have the opportunity to let the light of God into our own hearts and minds, we are invited to let it shine through us. 

That light will transform us. It will change our view of others and the world around us.  It will open up small spaces of vulnerability between us and others, to listen more closely, to understand more clearly and to come into relationships more deeply. 

We’ve all been called to step into the spotlight with Jesus…it’s a space where we may not be ready to stay for too long, but the invitation is always there.  In that light, we are seen as amazing, beautiful, broken and hurting children of God…for that is who we are. 

In that light we are seen as imperfect and enough. 

In that light we are seen fully as imperfect and at the same time we are enough. 

In that light, we are loved and forgiven and given another opportunity to live lives full of grace, truth and love. 

May the light of Christ shine on you this day and all days. 

And may the peace of Christ, which passes all understanding, keep our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, and let all God’s people say amen. 

Snow day adventures.

The day started off with a Ta Da! List...as opposed to a To Do List. I think it was a happiness hack on the Happier Podcast with Gretchen Rubin and Elizabeth Craft.  

The list was crafted last night on the back of a page from my page-a-day happiness calendar.  

Let me just tell you the day has gone rather well.  

The french press coffee was the perfect beginning to the day, especially paired with two books.  

While I read, this was in the oven.  

With snow falling, but not clinging to sidewalks or the road, I went with a 4 mile run instead of cross country skiing.  

When I got back, I refueled at Dunkin with my snow day donut crew.  

As you can see, that's when the snow really started coming down.  It was like an instant snow day!  

After a hot shower and some more reading time, I made some lunch. 

Grilled cheese, tomato soup & tater tots.  

Grilled cheese on freshly baked bread is a game changer, folks.  It was amazing.  With homemade tomato soup, it was hard to figure out which bite would be last.   I'm the person who likes to save the best bite for last.  Truth: It was the grilled cheese cleaning up the last of the soup in the bowl!  Boom!

I have done a few loads of laundry...and have worked on the youth led worship script.  So, yeah, today has become a Ta Da! kind of day.  

Oh, and the second batch of soup is on the stove simmering for dinner.  That's the refrigerator soup.  Sausage, kale, cannelleni beans, sweet potatoes, carrots and diced tomatoes.  That'll feed the guy who needed to be at work all day.   

I hope your day was filled with  more Ta Das! than To Dos.  

Until the next post, be well.  

153

Up from last week...but just .2 lbs.  

So while it's a slight increase, I'm not losing sleep over it.  
I will keep an eye on it however.  

The good news is that this past week I enjoyed a few celebrations with friends as well as a midday impromptu date with Billy.  I'm steady with the cardio workouts during the week and balanced some yoga in there, too, last week.  

I shy away from sugary snacks too often....and am working on fewer carbs in the morning, since I never know what the day will bring.  Although, truth be told, I think I prefer the carbs in the morning...at least on solid cardio days.  But I have been doing that, so it's time to mix it up again.  

And in the bigger picture, when I hit 154, I had lost 10 pounds.  And I've been steadily under 154 for a while now.  Little ups and downs are bound to happen.  

I want to keep an eye on my weight because little ups and downs are normal, but several weeks of little ups will make a big difference.  

I'll continue to log my food, exercise regularly and build some strength training into my workouts.  We'll see what the future holds.  

Thanks for reading, supporting, and maybe going up and down just like me.  

I will say that my weight loss or healthy weight posts or as I like to call them my number posts are a super helpful way to keep me accountable.  Not just for weekly weigh ins, but also as I think about what I eat and when I eat.  So when I say thanks, I do mean it, because you help me more than you know.  

Thanks, friends.